Mothers, You are Awesome!

This might seem random to you, and I may go overboard with this one. It's been a wee bit of an emotional day, so bear with me.

This has been thought about for the last 4 years. As I finished up my first year of college, I realized that there were many new moms from my high school (okay maybe just 3 or so) and it got me thinking. When these rumors (which were true) were revealed to me, I can't lie, I was a little shocked, but I also felt bad for them. I felt bad that they had to commit so young to such a big thing. But I also had another feeling that I am not proud of one bit: superiority. I felt like I was better than those girls. I felt that I was better because I was going to college (failing my first year, mind you) and I had my life on track.

What a B-word I was. In all honesty, I didn't have one thing figured out. I doubted even going back to school. I see these women now and I look up to them. Their boyfriends, baby-daddys, or husbands are either there for them or they are not. It doesn't matter because they chose the miracle. They chose life. They chose to take the hard path. The path that, no doubt, had people looking back at them and shaking their heads because of judgements made. The path that, even though it's the biggest reward and accomplishment to be a mother and caregiver, is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining for the rest of their lives. Some give their child up for adoption because they feel that they cannot provide for them, but they don't stop caring. You don't stop worrying about your baby after they are 18 and out of the house; you don't stop praying that they make the right and amiable decisions in life, and you most certainly don't stop loving them. Some of these women made these decisions when they were 16 years old, some when they were 18 or 19, but they chose life.

In the world today, how open are people to new life? Oh, of course everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) will say, "Duh, I'm open to new life; It's beautiful, cute, and just so amazing!!" Yeah, but now ask them if they would have kids. I feel like it's either "1 or 2 kids at most" or "I don't want kids." I do get some, "I want a whole baseball team!!", but that's rare nowadays.

Honestly, when people see pregnant women, they have to do a double take, right? When you see an obese or overweight person walking by, do you have to get a second look? It depends on how big they are, BUT NO!

Why are pregnant women so rare now? Maybe it's just me, but when you see a woman with more than 4 kids at a grocery store and who is also expecting, what's the first thought in your head? "Poor woman."  But why would you think that? Yeah, it's hard work. Yeah, she must be completely and totally exhausted. And yes, I won't deny that I've had that thought. But there's another reason why people have that thought. They automatically assume that that woman is crazy! Poor woman is crazy enough to have another kid. I mean, seriously. Who has more than 3 kids?!! Who does that?!

I would.

I've thought about this for the last 4 years. I've always wanted a big family. I WILL always want a big family. As this dream gets closer and closer, I cannot help but be worried. Marriage at my age was bad enough for some people. What about a baby? What about 7 babies?

My sister, Nutmeg, and I were talking one time. She is the mom of 6 and in the last 2 years had a beautiful baby boy. She had some pretty funny (I thought at the time) stories about how some people approached her in her pregnancy and said the stupidest things like, "Oh my God, and you have 5 more at home?!!!! That's crazy!!", or gave her disapproving looks when she had all of the kids with her. One stranger, and I was there for this one, even rubbed her belly for what seemed like 5 awkward seconds before my sis gave her a "Yeah, I don't like that, you can stop now" look.

That last story wasn't about a disapproving person, but just downright weird. That's still a woman's belly and it's still not okay to touch unless asked... am I right?! I understand showing your support and getting all giddy about it, but please, please ask before you go touching someone you've never met and probably won't ever see again. It's just weird. .....Annnnd I digress.

Anyways, this was such a random post, but a topic that's been in my head for a long long time. To the women (my age, older, and younger) that are expecting, have given birth, or are contemplating a choice about the miracle in your womb: you are all extremely lucky to be given, by God, such a gift as child bearing. It's a joy seeing pictures and posts of you and your little ones and their funny-isms. I know it's hard sometimes and please know that you are in my prayers daily. You are all superior and so so beautiful. And lastly, don't even give those people with the judgmental eyes, the mean stares, and the stupid words another thought. You are raising a child that may one day find a cure for the mental disease those people suffer from. Yeah, that's right! You could be raising a child that will one day save the nieces and/or nephews of those mean-staring people or the mean-staring people themselves. Be proud(...be humble, but be proud!). You are amazing :)

It's a Normal Day

It's a normal day. I woke up at 7:30 this morning to the sun streaming into my window/sliding glass door.  When my mom and sisters came in, there was one question they all asked, "How do you feel?"
... "Ummm.... good?"

Every feeling has mushed together. My feelings are almost nonexistent because they are so jumbled. It's a normal day for me. I will pack a few things for the day ahead, I will eat breakfast and take a long, hot shower. I will do my hair and makeup, and then I will squeeze into a newly altered dress. The only thing not normal about today (the only thing that really worries me) is that I will be wearing high heels for most of it and will probably be in so much pain, my feet will go numb. That's it. It's a normal day.

And then I think about the walk down the aisle.

...and here come the feelings:

I'm excited, terrified, and about to break down in tears (and I have no clue why). I'm wondering if I should have chosen lucky underwear or just pick them like it's nothing. I'm also wondering if there is a special kind of routine brides are supposed to follow on their wedding day. Most brides don't blog... I don't think. I haven't practiced doing my hair. I purchased all new makeup to use. My nails are chipped and I just had them done yesterday. I am too afraid to eat anything because my stomach is so sensitive. I want to drink as much water as I can so I don't pass-out, but then I have this fear that I will have to go to the bathroom during the ceremony and no-one wants to see a bride's "pee-dance" while she says her vows. And then comes the ultimate fear: the walk down the aisle. I don't wear heels... I will today. And then it'll all be over and I will have worried it away... I'm worried about that.

Sooooooo how do I feel?

"Ummm.... good?" ;P

When You're Too Fat for Your Wedding Dress

It used to be a fairytale, then I got fat.

Okay, okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit... BUT seriously?!! 5 days before my wedding and my dress won't fit; and when my mother does finally get it hooked, my back looks like an accordion and I cannot breath; and who described my back as looking like an accordion? My brother; thanks, Tim.

So now, there will be no bridal shoot. No fun pictures, from a studio, to have edited and framed.  Instead, there will be a refitting... again. This seamstress is a Godsend. Thank goodness she is back from her vacation and willing to meet with us for a 5th time. Considering all of the luck I've had in planning this wedding (the free bridal gown, the never-ending help and support from my parents, and being able to return home after a week of being evacuated), there had to be something. I was ready... not for this.

So what happens when you are too fat for your wedding dress? You don't go on a crash diet (I tried... stress just keeps the pounds on). You pray to God that your seamstress is available and amazing enough to alter your dress in time. You pray that, if she is not available, you won't faint during the ceremony. You pray that your hair or veil (if long enough) hides your disfigured back from your brother and everyone else. You pray... Hard.

5 days until the big day. I'm PRAYING!

For Paul

Dear Paul,

I wanted to look back and jot down some fun and random memories, thoughts, ideas...etc. I have kept with me since we first started hanging out. There are so many that I won't be able to write them all down (of course) but I thought it'd be nice to get a few in there in honor of your birthday. Anyways, Happy Birthday!!! I love you!

Remember the group that we always hung out with the second semester of freshman year? We would have lunch in the Student Activities Center everyday because Kate and Mary Ruth worked there. 

Remember that first trip you took to Colorado the summer of 2008? I was so shy and nervous that I couldn't even tell you to turn around and smile when I was taking this picture of you and the Continental Divide.

Remember that one time sophomore year when I got back from a soccer trip at 12 at night and you had bought me all the necessities for a project that was due at 9 the next day. You stayed up with me until 3 in the morning when it was all finished, and even made The Alamo out of the clay you bought.

Remember Little Boo's soccer games and playing football on the sidelines with the boys? 

Remember the dinner with Joirdan and my parents where you ate 3/4s of the lasagna plus other entrees at Bucca di Beppo? Then you were hungry again an hour later :P

I remember our every-other-day visits to Victoria Park, stopping at Braums sometimes, and walking around or just sitting in the car people watching the second semester of sophomore year.

Remember that 500 piece puzzle we bought and never finished? The nieces and nephews always wanted to help out and they put more together than we did.

Remember your 21st birthday up in Colorado? We went golfing and you bet Tim that you would have a beer if he beat you. You took a couple sips that evening, but that was it ;)

Hamburger Helper, our "homemade" dinners sophomore and post-grad years. 

After a while, we just started ordering chinese... man, that was good food!

Remember when we watched "Gnomeo and Juliet" when I was sick on the couch...and loved it? I think we had chinese that night :)

Whether it's helping the kids fly kites, playing soccer, basketball, or football, or just hanging out with them in the living room, you always enjoy that time spent with them.

Babysitting with you was the best! This was the time when you and Little Dude became close and he's been good with you ever since. You taught him to fist-bump. Now, he will high-five, shake your hand, fist-bump, call himself 'Bob', and whenever he sees your picture (or you), he points and says, "Paul?"

Our crazy engagement. You hiked up this mountain two days in a row to propose to me.  

Wonderful. Just wonderful.

                                                          We have a thing for weird poses.

Remember when you broke into my house the day before my birthday and I almost shot you with an air-soft rifle?

"I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you just woke up" 

~ Bright Eyes 'First Day of My Life'

Then you spent the day with my mother and me shopping before you collapsed on the couch.... I'm sorry I woke you up, I just really wanted to watch How I Met Your Mother with you :)

Well, I think that's enough for now. I'm sure I missed some pretty crazy moments, but do not worry, I'll get them on here eventually.

Thank you for all that you do (for me, for my family, and for everyone you know). You are such a good and genuine guy. You don't hide who you are; you're crazy, goofy, funny, and just downright weird and I love it!! I am so lucky to have you in my life. You never cease to amaze me and I thank God every day for your love. 

Now you're 24... and there will be many more fun, random, and memorable moments to come. 

!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

(only 5 more days till our wedding!)

KISSES!!! muah muah muah muah muah