Draft after draft I write. About what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, what I'm craving... things just never seem to be good enough for a post. The last one wasn't even that good; it was a complaint. I'm surprised I didn't get reprimanded for my lack of sensitivity. How can someone who was so worried about conceiving in the first place be so caught up in the negatives of pregnancy. They should be welcomed with open arms! Everyday should be a blessing that there is still life inside me, that she is still there, and that there is still hope that she will be here next month, breathing on her own and smiling (do they smile that first month?).
This is what I'm feeling! Blessed. Blessed that not only am I able to grow a life inside me, but that, so far (and I can only pray at this point), that life is perfect and healthy. I have never had to go through a miscarriage. There have been no middle-of-the-night scares where a hospital visit was necessary. The discomforts I have felt have been normal and very much on time with what a pregnancy is like with a healthy baby. Feeling nostalgic about my pre-pregnancy body is normal, but how can that even be an issue?! This is a miracle!
I'm thinking that God doesn't normally humble people with a perfect situation... like a perfect life or a perfect family or even a perfect pregnancy (I use the word "perfect" pretty liberally here. What I mean to say is ideal). Yes, there will always be some potholes in the road, but overall, things have been amazing for me. I think it is safe to say that this experience could not have been a better one. There are hard times still to come with this (I'm not completely ignorant), but now that I've realized my blessing, maybe this will help me cope with the unknown.
My cravings have become more emotional than physical. I crave that feeling of falling in the love for the very first time with my little one. I've seen it so many times and even though I have never truly experienced it, I know it must be special. Every one who has gone through this tells my husband and me, "Oh, she will just steal your heart the moment you lay eyes on her." I also crave the knowledge every new mom does not have. What way soothes her best when she is fussy? When will she sleep? How long? How will she react to the vacuum noise? Every child is different. Unique. Special. Amazing.
So with draft after draft, I can only hope that this makes it onto the page. Bottom line is that I am blessed. SO so blessed.
April 26th might not be when I meet her, but it makes me happy to know that she is coming one way or another and that all of these thoughts I'm thinking, feelings that I feel, and cravings that I crave, will come to pass with thoughts of love and blessings, feelings of fulfillment and joy, and cravings for hugs and kisses.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Things I Miss While Being Pregnant...
Ok, so this may sound a little absurd, but I never realized how much I took for granted (every day of my life) before becoming pregnant. It's amazing the things we do that bears no thought in every day life. I'm also feeling a bit edgy so some sarcasm may be imminent. So, with that said, I give you a few things I've missed during my pregnancy:
Not smelling every little thing. At first I thought I could use it as a super power... for good. It turns out that the only smells that are really strong to me are the ones that make me want to gag. I'd love to smell those lovely lilies that are across the room; instead, it's the dish rag 50 feet away from the lilies in the kitchen in the NEXT room that needs washing.
Not having to create an exit strategy every time I need to get up from the bed or couch. When did this get so hard for me?! Usually you just sit up and stand... now I need to form a whole routine just to land my feet on the floor and then wait a few seconds before walking. Oh, and the hubby "helping" by pushing you cannot be further from the truth.
Shoes that fit (besides tennis shoes). It's not like I'm really going to waltz around in rockin' high heels or anything, but it would be nice if I could zip those cute heel-less brown boots that are so stylish with leggings and a dress.
Deli meat. Sometimes a girl just wants a nice, yummy ham, cheese, tomato, and lettuce with mayo sandwich for lunch... everyday. Okay, so I've cheated a few times when we were over at the in-laws, but I am SO looking forward to this delight in less than a month.
Red wine... beer... girly drinks... OK, so almost any type of alcohol!! It's like it's one of my cravings! I don't really drink that much, but it's nice to know that I can sit in the living with a good book or good TV show with a glass of wine or two if I want.
Sleeping on my back... or even stomach (a good nights sleep in general). I'm not a side sleeper at all and this has totally messed up my sleep vibe. I used to be a pro! Now all I can say is thank God for naps. Oh, and that acid reflux and heartburn!
Not having to go to the restroom every hour! I catch myself worrying every time we go out (which is not a lot) if there's a bathroom there or not... and what condition it's in. It's becoming like a game to me... pathetic, I know.
Having less "fat days". Every woman, whether they are stick thin or not, has fat days. I miss the days when I did't look like a whale (or as hubby puts it, "a cute whale"... that man!). Every day is a fat day. Some are worse than others, but you get the gist.
My feet! Where did they go?
Not weighing more than my husband, although in all fairness, he has lost a lot of weight since the wedding (yes, keep telling yourself that, Mary).
Walking normally. I'm a penguin. There, I said it.
Now that I've gotten this off my chest, I just want to say that in less than a month, I will be giving birth and wondering why I complained about any of this.
Please tune in next month for, "Things I Miss About Being Pregnant." ;)
Not smelling every little thing. At first I thought I could use it as a super power... for good. It turns out that the only smells that are really strong to me are the ones that make me want to gag. I'd love to smell those lovely lilies that are across the room; instead, it's the dish rag 50 feet away from the lilies in the kitchen in the NEXT room that needs washing.
Not having to create an exit strategy every time I need to get up from the bed or couch. When did this get so hard for me?! Usually you just sit up and stand... now I need to form a whole routine just to land my feet on the floor and then wait a few seconds before walking. Oh, and the hubby "helping" by pushing you cannot be further from the truth.
Shoes that fit (besides tennis shoes). It's not like I'm really going to waltz around in rockin' high heels or anything, but it would be nice if I could zip those cute heel-less brown boots that are so stylish with leggings and a dress.
Deli meat. Sometimes a girl just wants a nice, yummy ham, cheese, tomato, and lettuce with mayo sandwich for lunch... everyday. Okay, so I've cheated a few times when we were over at the in-laws, but I am SO looking forward to this delight in less than a month.
Red wine... beer... girly drinks... OK, so almost any type of alcohol!! It's like it's one of my cravings! I don't really drink that much, but it's nice to know that I can sit in the living with a good book or good TV show with a glass of wine or two if I want.
Sleeping on my back... or even stomach (a good nights sleep in general). I'm not a side sleeper at all and this has totally messed up my sleep vibe. I used to be a pro! Now all I can say is thank God for naps. Oh, and that acid reflux and heartburn!
Not having to go to the restroom every hour! I catch myself worrying every time we go out (which is not a lot) if there's a bathroom there or not... and what condition it's in. It's becoming like a game to me... pathetic, I know.
Having less "fat days". Every woman, whether they are stick thin or not, has fat days. I miss the days when I did't look like a whale (or as hubby puts it, "a cute whale"... that man!). Every day is a fat day. Some are worse than others, but you get the gist.
My feet! Where did they go?
Not weighing more than my husband, although in all fairness, he has lost a lot of weight since the wedding (yes, keep telling yourself that, Mary).
Walking normally. I'm a penguin. There, I said it.
Now that I've gotten this off my chest, I just want to say that in less than a month, I will be giving birth and wondering why I complained about any of this.
Please tune in next month for, "Things I Miss About Being Pregnant." ;)
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