MFT

Three weeks ago our family traveled 11 hours in the car to go visit my parents in Colorado. Four out of my five sisters and their families came to visit from out of state as well as my brother (who also lives in Colorado). It was a wonderful family reunion with lots of activities such as hiking, camping, playing horseshoes, and overall having fun with each other.

DH, AJ, and I stayed in the room in which I grew up. One particular night, close to the beginning of the visit, AJ was a little restless before bedtime (she is usually very good about going in her crib and falling asleep) and so I rocked her back and forth in the rocking chair holding her tight and humming. So many thoughts went through my head that night, so I wrote them down right after she was ready to fall asleep in her crib.
 
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As I sit here in the chair my mother placed in my childhood room, rocking my daughter back and forth trying to get her to sleep, I can only think of when I was just a teenager in this same room wondering, "What will my life be like in 10 years?" Will I be married? Will I be one of those strong, independent, single business women that hates her love life until the goofy yet totally romantic and handsome boy-man comes into it and completely changes her whole outlook (I was on a romantic-comedy kick in those days... okay, I still am)? Will I have graduated from college? Will I have even gone to college?.... Will I still be here?

I was terrified thinking about growing up and being, "On my own." It's one of those fears equivalent to the ocean or space. It's the unknown that had my eyes water with anticipation because soon I would graduate from high school and have to figure all this stuff out.

Fast forward ten years.

Did I think I was going to be here holding my 15 month old daughter as she slowly falls asleep on my shoulder? Maybe I wished on having a baby to care for just like I've seen my older sisters snuggle up with their children, but it wasn't a real thought in my head. I couldn't imagine this feeling. I sit in this chair  in awe of what God has given me.

There were a few years, I'm sure, where my own mother was worried about where my life would take me. I was not a happy person for a while, there, and it was difficult to keep my head up above water for a year or two.

Now, ten years later I was made to be this little girl's mommy; to care for, comfort, and love her. Everything that has happened has led me here. In this same room. In this chair. Rocking this sweet creature to sleep. This is what I was put on this earth for; to be the most loving wife and mother I can be.
I was MFT (Made. For. This.)